Pregnancy!

Can you still have sex during pregnancy, if so for how long?
As long as you are not a high risk pregnancy or your doctor advises you to hold off on sex it is actually an amazing thing for pregnancy. Orgasms are actually GOOD for the baby, the same hormone that gets sent to your brain when you have one gets sent to the baby making baby happy and less stressed.
You may need to change positions from what you were doing once the belly gets in the way, try different things and have fun with it. It is ok to laugh about it if something doesn't work, don't get frustrated sex is supposed to be fun!

Something has been brought to my attention.

I was written by a reader about a subject that i believe a lot of women can relate to! MEN READ THIS!
When a woman says she is almost there, that means what you are doing is working. So when she says this keep doing the same thing. Do not change it up! When you do this she loses the momentum she had built up to the BIG O and this is very frustrating! dont go faster, dont go harder, just keep going!  UNLESS SHE ASKS YOU TO CHANGE IT OR DO IT A DIFFERENT WAY!
thank you
i do respond to you when you have a specific concern or want me to research something for you! also if you want to find the perfect item for your pleasure!

Foreplay

this is where a lot of communication needs to come in! If you do not talk about it you may never be pleased and it is not your partners fault that they can't read your mind. But you also should be asking what they want! In order to not hurt your husbands ego you should state what you want like this. "I LOVE it when you...." That empowers them knowing they did something that made you happy and it makes them want to do that for you! But foreplay is KEY for girls! It is much easier for a woman to have an orgasm during sex, after she had a clitoral orgasm during foreplay. Women are like a crock pot and men are like a microwave, it takes a while to get most of us to the finish line.

What do you wish guys would do?

So one of the nights of the cruise, i posted prior to this one, We are separating the men and women, There will be several things for the ladies like chair dance class and a few other things we have not figured out yet, but for the guys we will be having some sort of group meet and we are trying to decided what it should be focusing on. Here are some examples we came up with, but what would you want your man to work on that would make you more willing to make love to him?
I have to say  we ALL want our men to pitch in more at home and give us the time to feel like sexy women...but would you like him to learn
1) relaxing massage, that would connect the two of you BEFORE hanky panky starts
2) Dress up, just like he wants us in Lingerie and set up a romantic seduction scene or
3) learn to talk to me in a romantic way that makes me want to be more sexual

(that doesn't imply he needs to wear lingerie.....just "PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT!")

just ideas
if you have an other please write it in we are looking for anything you are wanting or women want in general

Xs and Os is taking a cruise

The X's & O's Lingerie Cruise (soon to be cleverly named) is well underway in the planning stages!! Met w/ Debi King to go over possibilities & brainstorm! Workshop/s offered for the couples, guest speaker/s, SPECIAL GOODIES delivered to enjoy at "bed-time", "Homework assignments" for building/rekindling the flame in the bedroom, etc! Who can say NO to Time Away from the MADNESS of LIFE?

The date will be picked soon it is between Dec 6 (a four day cruise) or Feb 20th (5 day cruise) 

If you are interested or want to hear more i will be posting updates on it while i get them! 

The cruise will include a chair dance lesson by yours truly as well to practice that night with your lover! :)

Awkward things happen to everyone

Air- MEN do not judge of laugh at us for air coming out of areas! it is technically your fault anyways!!! It is a strange normal thing that happens to women and it occurs more in certain positions.
Squirting- Be loud and proud and men feel accomplished it is a GOOD thing that so many women WISH they could do. it is NOT urine! your body shuts off that function in both men and women when turned on! 
Too Quiet- when it is too quite it can be very awkward.

Anything can become an awkward moment! it is ok to make it a light situation, say something about it, if you dont it is more awkward but it happens to EVERYONE no need to be mortified! 

Make a symbol

allow the other person to subtly know that you want some hanky panky.
some things people do but you can make it anything,
1. hang something on the door (a tie, a thong, a hat, anything)
2. light candles (wither a special one or a bunch)
3. where something that you decide on
4. a code word

you can make it anything those are just a few suggestions. make it fun and if you have children make it subtle.

What is sexy?

Sexy is confidence! If you are not feeling confident do something to build it! give yourself the tools and knowledge to be that confident woman that is in each and every one of us. It may be deep down there but we all have a fire that burns and wants to be sexy. Go out of your comfort zone and push yourself to try new and exciting things!
some ideas
1.try a pole aerobics class
2.buy some costumes
3.try some new toys
4.go to a sex therepist
5.dress the part (try some tighter fitting clothes that are still classy, confidence is in knowing your own body and dressing in a way that is not overly sexed up but is showing just enough to keep you guessing.)
6.look into the other persons eyes when talking to them
7.good posture (this is a HUGE one, it shows that you have integrity and are comfortable in your environment)
These are just a few suggestions to make you feel more sexy! It is very important when having an amazing sex life! 

He doesnt want it!

I know the stereotype is that women do not want to have sex and men are frustrated, but i have found with many of my friends it is the men who cant keep up which can be frustrating for the women. Sometimes this makes the men want sex even less because they feel like something is wrong with them and they dont measure up to their sexual partner so they do not want to try. The biggest thing is communication! Talk through all of your issues and let him know that you are attracted to him and you think he is sexy! the words "sexy" and "hot" make men jump out of their skin. Also let him know how great he is in bed and that you just want more of him! If it feels like that is not getting to him then there is a bigger issue, either erectile dysfunction, which he could be ashamed of and doesn't want to go to the doctor, or something even deeper. Talking is the biggest way for men or women to get their lover to want them in bed!

A month of sex

Try it! Every day try something new! Greet him at the door in lingerie and christen your living room couch, take him in the shower, set up a sexy picnic in your room with whipped cream, strawberries, and chocolate body paint, take the car somewhere secluded, meet him at the office. Make every day an adventure!
I know what you are thinking "SADDLE SORE!" take a look at the second item on this blog
http://controversialstudiossa.blogspot.com/2010/03/tub-time.html
for a lubricant that will help with that! remember GET RID OF THE EXCUSES!  Doing this will bring you closer than ever to each other more than ever. It should bring out conversation for you and give you both a stronger physical connection.

Try something new!

As married couples we tend to get in a rut and have a "sex routine." Blow his mind and try something new!
Like i said in the other post, put a vibrator against your cheek while giving him oral. Buy a new costume (or pull one out that has been sitting there for a while) having that mentality of "being the nurse" or any other person gives a lot of people the ability to try things they wouldnt have before just as themselves and almost an "excuse" to break out of the rut.
Try a new toy! go in together (or surprise your partner) with a new toy, whether it is a vibrating ring, a tongue vibe, the We Vibe (can be used DURING sex as a gspot and clitoral stimulator and feels great for both of you) check out my older posts to  get more info on that.
The biggest thing is make sex fun! It is not just a thing to get "over with." It was made for us!

Delight

http://xsandoslingerie.com/delight.aspx

This is a more high end toy that is a g-spot and clitoral stimulator at THE SAME TIME! Wowza! Most girls can not have a gspot orgasm without clitoral stimulation! This is 100% normal!!!! This is why we fake it sometimes (i did for a while but when i finally told my husband things turned around and were AMAZING for both of us!) This beauty truly is a DELIGHT! It recharges ITSELF while resting! The case makes this a discreet toy that can stay in your sock drawer and it is a beautiful design so if you are in to showcasing your toys this would be an amazing edition!


External outlet for charging

Illuminated controls are easy to operate with one's thumb

The curl is held with two fingers

Sides made from smooth, shiny, skin-friendly plastic

Carrying case is both a travel box and a recharger

An extra protrusion stimulates the clitoris

Made from 100% Medical Grade silicone, hook tickles the G-Spot

Silicone + Thermoplast

Aphrodite

AMAZING! i love this! We were actually looking for a back massager and this works great for that but it is also a wonderful toy as well! The medium setting has an inferred heating element which feels awesome on the lower back. It holds a charge for a very long time and it is rechargeable so you do not have to buy batteries over and over.
http://xsandoslingerie.com/aphrodite.aspx


As seen on Oprah, this popular sex toy is back in stock! Relax yourself completely with this infrared massager that has soft, interchangeable heads and two speeds of vibration. This product is designed to provide powerful vibrations for intense orgasms and muscle tension relief (as is our Rechargeable Infrared Massager. Hand-held massager has an infrared head on one side and three interchangeable sleeves on the other for a variety of sensations Massaging head with Flexo-Joint is designed to move with you and can be used for muscle relaxation as well as erogenous zone stimulation Choose from high and low vibration, with infrared heat available on low to provide warming, soothing sensations Attachments are smooth, pinpoint, and nubby for a unique feel, and they are very easy to add and remove Rechargeable massager comes with a 110-volt AC charger to charge the internal battery (compatible with standard US outlets only). Please Note: When in use, the massager operates off its internal battery and will only last as long as the charge lasts (12 hours of charge = 1 hour of use); it is not designed to charge while in use or to use while being plugged in.

Get rid of the excuses

Get rid of the excuses. If you are married the times when you feel like saying no and making excuses those are the times when you as a couple need it! Sex is meant to be in your marriage take that time and it actually helps with the exact things you complain about. you will get better sleep, be more relaxed, and will bring you closer together emotionally and physically.
If you aren't feeling very close and that is why you don't want to do it! what gets you closer than exploring each others bodies! Do not be afraid to experiment an make it fun together, you will learn so much about each other. Also do not be scared to talk about your wants and needs in bed. communicate, 9 times out of 10 he wants to hear those things! Go to the shop together and pick out lingerie or a new toy.
GUYS girls want your opinions and want you to tell them what you want to see them in.
Have fun!
We are called to be one flesh and the missionary position is not the only one! As a Christian woman i want to be the best lover i can. Do research find different things to surprise him with.
for example- surprise him with some oral, but instead of the usual put a vibrator against your cheek! he wont know what hit him. try different lubes and toys! see what works for you! but remember it is not a replacement for him it is for you to use together!
dress up, bring a little role playing into the bedroom. you can make just about anything sexy. Be a Dr, a student, the teacher, a pirate, a zookeeper, just be out of the ordinary. :) i have a lot of costumes and love wearing them. it is easier for me to be more wild if i am not "me"
buy a new game! that way you don't have to come up with the ideas the game will tell you what to do. they are fun but make a deal that it is OK to skip things if uncomfortable.
try something new! it can be an all the time thing it doesn't have to be saved for a special occasion!
check out http://xsandoslingerie.com/ for some ideas and gifts! it is the shop i work for. we do home parties and you can just come in but you don't have to shop there i just want you to have a good relationship and get close and know it is OK!

My reason for this blog

I have a strong desire to empower and give knowledge to couples and give them the tools to make their marriage and sex life a success. I strongly believe sex is best when saved for marriage, research (including self experience) has shown the hurtful affects of promiscuity prior to marriage but there is a way to overcome it.
You are more likely to not have as strong of an intimate bond with your spouse  if you have not remained faithful before marriage. Make it fun, know your body, and tell each other what you need! You need to be open to explore different avenues as well as be comfortable enough to tell your partner if you are not comfortable with something.
As a Christian woman i know that the times when i do not want to have sex with my husband are the times i need to the most. The intimacy and the bond that it creates helps you overcome so much and brings you closer together and into a realm where you can talk about key issues.

If you have any questions or issues you would like me to discuss i am an open book. Do not be afraid to ask no question is stupid!